Loto de Socorrismo: The Morbidly Funny Game for Kids

boring, straightforward translation:

Loto de Socorrismo = First Aid Lotto

#1 What should a first aid kit contain?

#2 What can happen if you bite your nails?

#3 If you get hurt with something dirty, whether at or away from home, what should you do?

#4 If you get close to the fire and burn your dress, what should you do?

#5 An infection, or deformation of my fingers.

#6 Put my head back and press my nose with my thumb, or perhaps introduce into it a bit of cotton soaked in hydrogen peroxide.

#7 I won’t run. I’ll roll myself in a blanket to put out the flames and I’ll ask for help.

#8 Call the firefighters and run out into the street.

#9 Put my finger in his mouth so he vomits, and call the doctor immediately.

1. “BOO!!” shouted anne.
“OUCH!” cried phillip.

4. persistently throwing himself under the farmers cart had payed off BIG ……… roger smiled smugly, in anticipation of his huge compensation (compo) cheque, this time his back was broken!

5. jemima was horrified when she realized that her new “living flame” dress clashed horribly with her red hair!

8. danny was too busy on the sex chat line to notice the family crisis unfolding behind him.

9. had simon eaten the goldfish again? …… jenny was about to find out.

sorry, must have had a brain stutter when i looked at the numbers …….. here they are again.

1. “BOO!!” shouted anne.
“OUCH!” cried phillip.

3. persistently throwing himself under the farmers cart had payed off BIG ……… roger smiled smugly, in anticipation of his huge compensation (compo) cheque, this time his back was broken!

4. jemima was horrified when she realized that her new “living flame” dress clashed horribly with her red hair!

8. danny was too busy on the sex chat line to notice the family crisis unfolding behind him.

9. had simon eaten the goldfish again? …… jenny was about to find out.

These are amazing.

#3 - Lance Armstrong’s dreams of winning the Tour de France for an eighth time were shattered (along with his femur) thanks to francois second glass of brandy that fateful lunchtime.

#5- Bridget choked back the tears and consoled herself with eating marshmallows off her fingers while Stan and his conjoined twin sister hobbled out of her life forever. In the years to come she would suffer a pang of lost love whenever she read of their triumphs on the 3 legged race circuit.

#7 - Everything was going to plan. The fake ID had fooled the bartender completely when suddenly Jenny’s little brother Timmy spontaneously combusted and gave the game away!

Weird but inspirational images!

#1 It asked for ketchup and I thought…hmmm?!?

#2 I am pregnant ” novela style”

#3 Where is all that infrastructure money? I am trying to keep it green but this is not good.

#4 Flames make everything look cool…right???

#5 Texting and Videogames get you no where. Sponsored by the ” Girls gone Wild”

#6 Hey Mom I can touch the back of my eyeball.

#7 Having “Huevos Rancheros” for dinner sounded like a great idea

#8 Unlimited Analog Texting

#9 Mixing is where you get in trouble dude

#4 Billy had lied, polyester wasn’t flame retardant, “Why did I ever trust him?” though Jane.

#5 Maria, angered by the sight of James and his new “fling”, conversed angrily with her finger puppets.

#6 John decided if he couldn’t have any red jelly beans, no one could.

#7 Alice soon realized that creating a human cigar, did not create the desired effect she had hoped for.

#8 Frank new that if he called in the fire, no one would suspect him of anything.

I’m going to go with an odd theme with this one:

#3 — (The boy says) Hey this isn’t a slip and slide!
#4 — (The girl says) Is this what loosing your virginity is like?
#6 — (The boy says) I really need to get off this cocaine addiction.
#9 — (The girl says) Let’s get you ready for that pageant.

#1
“but I thought this is how mum made blood pudding!”
#2
“I asked my hairstylist for the Audre Hepburn but instead got the Rod Blagojevich.”
#3
“horse turds are mighty slippery”
#4
“that’s the last time i use the fireplace to light my crack pipe.”
#5
“why won’t else anyone hold my pet porcupine?”
#6
“you boogers can run but you can’t hide!”
#7
“I must remember, its ‘drop and roll’ not ‘drop and roll up!’”
#8
“I’ll just be a moment ma’am, I’m the tenth caller with the correct answer!”
#9
circa 1976: “If this diet doesn’t work, I’m calling Karen Carpenter back to complain!”

reminds me of “der struwwelpeter” an old german kid’s book.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Struwwelpeter

#4
What holding hands with boys can lead to.

#9
This isn’t how they kiss on TV, Stephanie!

These are great!

Rules of dating:
#1 - It is in poor taste to bleed at the dinner table while threatening your date with a knife.
#2 - The boys like it when you can stick your entire hand in your mouth. Like this!
#3 - Lame kids on bikes ain’t got nothin’ on awesome dudes with HORSE CARTS. Seriously, don’t even try.
#4 - Boys totally dig the whole damsel in distress act. Just make sure you’re committed.
#5 - Mutant hands are generally a turnoff. But so are guys with perms! So don’t even worry about it.
#6 - If your date gets a nosebleed, hand him a roll of toilet paper and get the hell outta there! It’s not worth getting The Plague over a boy who wears mascara.
#7 - You might have strange feelings “down there” when you start getting intimate with your date. If that happens, you should probably just turn into a total spaz.
#8 - In the case of a fire, SAVE YOURSELF. Your MILF and her kids can find their own way home.
#9 - Never trust your date to perform dental work in your home. Odds of this turning out well are about 0 in a zillion.

1. boy: So why do the demons need my blood again?
girl: You didn’t get the memo?

2. Can I get canker sores from eating raw flesh?

3. Will farmer John finally notice me if I wear short shorts and lay here innocently?

4. I should have listened to mother when she told me wearing short skirts is sinful.

5. Ugh, that blond girl didn’t tell me she had a VD.

6. Snorting pixie sticks just isn’t the same.

7. Susie’s friends literally gave her an Indian rug burn.

8. Call for help when White business men set houses on fire.

9. When intoxicated have a friend assist you in vomiting.

#1 - “Fish and finger pie again for dinner!”

#4 - Disco inferno!

#7 - So this is what they mean by ‘The fire down below.”

#9 - Suzy is teaching Timmy the secrets of bulimia. It’s fun to share what you know with others!

#4: The curtains do match the drapes.

Now I feel creepy.

#2 Did I save?
#3 Don’t drink and Ride
#5 …but is there a bandage for my heart?

1.”when josie discovered the secret ingredient to jose’s meat pot pie”
2.”who needs chapstick when you can just scratch your lips off”
3.”so much for trying to hijack the horse and carriage…”
4.”CALIENTE!”
5.”Tell me why he did this fingerman, tell me now!”
6.”Jose cries blood, macho macho man”
7.”MAS CALIENTE!”
8.”No one ever found the culprit..”
9.”Fatty, i told you not to eat breakfast!”

1 – Whilst skinning the hamsters, Johnny cut his finger deeply. Serves you right, said Jane.

2 – Jane covers her mouth when she coughs. Alas, it is too late. Swine flu for sure.

3 – Johnny was run over by an Amish man in a horse cart. Which is a great trick, when you really think about it, and quite embarrassing, to boot.

4 – Jane thought that when the boys said she was a hot skirt, it was a complement. Jane was wrong.

5 – Jane found out the hard way that the Lesbians have extremely firm handshakes. Both hands, too!

6 – Johnny was a bad boy, who did so much cocaine that his septa completely disintegrated. He remained immensely popular, though.

7 – Remember when playing Antony and Cleopatra, put down your cigarette before you roll up in a rug. This is just common sense.

8 – Johnny desperately tries to turn into Superman, to no avail. His family barely escaped.

9 – Johnny and Jane have a scheme to fool the tooth fairy. No waiting for them! They will get all their tooth money at once! They are very smart.

#18
beware art chantry’s portfolio is near by

Misguided ad campaigns:

1. Behold, the power of cheese.

2. Bet you can’t eat just one.

3. Priceless.

4. Only you can prevent forest fires.

5. You’re in good hands with Allstate.

6. Head-On: apply directly to the forehead. Head-On: apply directly to the forehead. Head-On: apply directly to the forehead…

7. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

8. Can you hear me now?

9. What would YOU do for a Klondike bar?

I used to have this game! Love it!

#1. “I’ve decided not to become a mohel after all.”

#1 Make sure to finish voodoo love cooking before your intended comes home.

#3 If you find yourself passing a horse that passes gold nuggets, make sure to pick up every piece!

#4 Pippi had always heard about this, but weren’t hot flashes supposed to come later in life?

#9 Remember, before performing prank calls, warm up your vocal cords for making the widest range of fake voices.

1. Betty could hardly believe her eyes when the the french fry stigmata appeared to her.
2. I never know what to do with my hands; maybe I’ll just eat them.
3. Amish vs. environmentally minded commuter: Amish wins.
4. Jill has to learn to stop giving lap dances to the fireplace.
5. After being dumped, Sarah drowned her sorrows in finger puppetry.
6. Mike felt so much more awake for math class after his daily thermos of cocaine.
7. (ref to 4) Jill has to learn to take off her burning skirt before going to bed.
8. Yes, 911? the dragon is awake again.
9. I already told you, we’re doing this because we can’t afford dog food.

Everything I Needed To Know I Learned In Jr. High:

(1) Offer help, but not advice.
(2) Bangs can help you hide.
(3) Horse Utility Vehicles own the road.
(4) Long skirts help prevent flash fires.
(5) Flipping the bird only escalates things.
(6) Boys will raise their hands even if they don’t know the answer.
(7) Never let them see you sweat.
(8) Depend on males to work machines and solve problems.
(9) Sometimes boys need help expressing their feelings.

ok, it’s boring but it´s a product meant for children, it must contain simple messages to be understood by them. I think it’s quite effective.

1. In an attempt to win back her love, Timmy tried to make dinner. Leave him Sally, leave him.

2. Always the stubborn child, Sandra did not heed her mother’s warnings. Now her face is stuck like that forever. Silly Sandra.

3. After the third failed suicide attempt, Tommy threw a tantrum. Never throw tantrums Tommy.

4. Susie’s grandmother told her only whores burn. Susie is a whore.

5. Tina and Stacy are in love. Sandra is a homophobe. Stacy cut a bitch.

6. Billy likes coke a little too much. Everything in moderation Billy.

7. Susie likes to hot box her blanket. Susie is cool.

8. Joey’s family does not give him enough allowance. Joey showed them.

9. “Mommy says no one likes a fatty.” Jenny is a good big sister.

terrific!

#1 ¿Have you a container to bring my nuts to the hospital?

#2 Cruel fate has placed my thumbs on the wrong side of my hands, ¿has it not?

#3 Yes, the horse has knocked me down and stomped upon me. ¿But are these my contacts?

#4 Yes, the fire has leapt upon my dress ¿But should that stop my Jazz Singer impression?

#5 Just one swine flu infection can deform those little piggies on hands and feet.

#6 If I stick my thumb far enough up my nose, put on mascara and lipstick, and wish upon this tampon, I begin to actually see oxygen.

#7 After eating many burritos, I wrap myself up like one to direct the gaseous output.

#8 I always report the man walking away from a bombing before going to safety.

#9 I have practiced with my brother to aim his vomit from many feet away.

#1 Drop the potatoes!
#2 Oh, I think I tooted!
#3 A whole wagon of potato chips? Must…eat…them…all!
#4 aye caramba!
#5 she’ll see…touching him makes your fingers fall off!
#6 picking your nose until you bleed is painfully fun!
#7 this blanket is not putting out the fire in my pants!
#8 i’d like to order a large pizza with…
#9 you too can be bulimic, little brother!

#1 “i said don’t come any closer damn it!”
#2 Amy had always been curious about cannibalism but was afraid to ask anyone.
#3 Bobby swore that this would be the day he caught the wagon. Bobby failed.
#4 Annie now knows why it’s bad to use hair spray down there.
#6 Having scratched out the last of his brain matter, Peter lost all ability to know when to stop.
#7 Nine months have passed and going into labor, Sandy now knows who the father is. Dont F*ck dragons!
#9 “…Yeah…you like it like that!”

#13.. OMG!! you said you would tell me first… GROSS!
#18.. See that is how it feels when you stick it to far back..

Ok, so I’m late:

1. Fries not so much, but raw potatoes always made Jimmy crazy.

2. As she crunched into the fourth digit, Jane realized they did indeed taste like chicken.

3. For the third time in as many weeks, the evil earwax salesman knocked Jimmy down just for laughs.

4. Little Suzy could no longer deny the strange sensations in her private place.

5. As Sue walked off with Denny, Jane realized that finger food had cost her this life’s one true love.

6. “The last time I buy anything but high grade Columbian”, thought Dan.

7. Anne ultimately regretted the three-bean dip.

8. Captive to a new passion, Tommie dialed a 900 number while his home burned.

9. After the birthday cake, Misty showed Lori how to stay popular and attractive.

iu9uiu

too bad I am too late.
but I have a french version here of a similar game illustrated by the same artist and edited by the same toy company.
This time it is about good manners
http://ribambins.canalblog.com/archives/2008/12/28/
i will surely track back to this post, captions are so fun…